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Lemmee guess...

 

You changed after you had kids, didn't you? Forgot who you were before you were "MOM"? Haven’t had an adult conversation without kids interrupting every 10 seconds for… like, ever? Aren't sure how to make new mom-friends without feeling awkward as Hell (and because most of them aren’t really the “fuck” slinging, whiskey drinking, badasses like you)?

Maybe you’ve never had a momcation and it’s reallly out of your comfort zone but it feels RIGHT.

Momma needs a damn break.

But even family vacations are work for us moms. Packing and planning and making sure everyone has sunscreen and three meals a day and their favorite teddy bear packed. Is everyone having fun? Are we making memories?

Momlife is exhausting... yeah, it's rewarding... but exhausting. One attendee put it beautifully:

Day in, day out. Every. Single. Day:

  • Pay the bills

  • Do laundry

  • Cook (sometimes like a fucking short order chef)

  • Clean... the same things, all of the damned time!

  • Make appointments

  • Remember the adulty shit like taxes and car registration

  • Take people places over and over and over again

As if that's not enough, ya might also have a "real job", as some husbands like to call it.

And guess what? You'll repeat the same shit tomorrow and the next day and the next with no real breaks... except your glass (or bottle) of wine in the evenings.

 

Don't get me wrong, your family is your LIFE and you'd gladly jump off of a cliff if it meant your family could live (I may or may not have gone over this scenario a time or two in anxiety-laden moments), but DAMN a real vacation would be nice.

The good news is that you CAN make a choice to give yourself some time to relax, re-coop and rest for a few nights. Like REAL REST!

No asses to wipe, diapers to change, food to cook, places to go, meetings to attend... nothing. Just you and some new friends one a 100+ acre ranch in complete solitude. You get to hear the sound of NOTHING.

Aaahhhhhhh.

Girl, do we have a trip for you!

The Drunk Moms Retreat is a 3 night, all inclusive trip with a small group of women who know EXACTLY what you're going through as a mom, wife, caregiver and friend; because they're going through it too.

It's a chance for women from all walks of life to come together to have some fun and rest and celebrate US for once! 

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Cool, right?

If you're anything like 99.999% of women on this planet, you think "I can't leave my family, that's selfish of me. What will they do? Who will feed the little people? How will they survive without me?"

They'll figure it out, babe.

Wanna know what it feels like to actually have a mom-cation?

(Photos of Brady, TX Retreat Ranch)

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(Photos of Destin, FL Retreat)

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What do you do at a Drunk Moms Retreat?

Whatever the Hell you want to!

Grab a beer and play some pool, chess (for you geeky bitches) or just chill on the couch without little people crawling up your ass, watch TV, take a walk and enjoy the scenery... oh and there's always an in house bar too. Let's not forget that!

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Ahhh, you hear that? That's fucking silence. Enjoy that shit.

"What if I get Bored?"

Maybe being “bored” is exactly what you need. The PLAN is that there is no plan! Because our day to day #Momlife is planned enough, dontcha think?

Day 1

Get y'ass here. We check in at 5pm so grab your supplies before you get to the house cause we're having food that you don't have to pay for, cook or serve. What's better than that... you also don't have to cut anyone's food, spoon feed little people or serve yourself dead last. YOU are the focus of the next few days. We’ll get to know each other and what we’re about. Sweet.

Day 2

Good morning (or afternoon) sunshine! Did you sleep well? Hell yes you did! No one insisting on chocolate milk at 3am, no pissy sheets... You're well rested and excited to explore the area. Today is all about getting used to silence, stillness and peace. You can head to the water, read or socialize with fellow Drunk Moms.

Amy is providing all three meals, snacks and drinks so you don't have to lift a fucking finger. In the evening we'll have games, dancing and fun to celebrate your amazing-ness. Live it up, beauty.

Day 3

Breakfast is ready for you whenever you decide to roll your ass out of bed! Keep chillin' and enjoying the silence after another restful night. You could get used to this! Wanna explore the property? Do it! Take a stroll? Yes! Watch a movie? Take a hot bath without little fingers under the door? Or maybe you've made some new friends and you want to go shop somewhere. Your call Felicia Freedom!

The evening of Day 3 we'll celebrate an amazing weekend (CODE: drinks and laughter) and hopefully I won't have to hold anyone's hair ;)

Day 4

Leaving a place like this is going to be horrible. I won't lie. But you'll miss your little hell cats and maybe even your man child (if you have one) so it's time to pack your shit and head out before checkout at 10am.

Your $997 ticket includes:

  • 3 awesome nights at our luxury retreat location (this ain’t no Super 8!)

  • Unlimited laughs and shenanigans (may or may not include dance parties, lip sync contests or staying in our jammies all day)

  • All of your food, non alcoholic drinks and even “mommy juice” so you don't have to cook, clean or serve people

 

All retreats for 2018 are sold out...

 

But be sure to fill out your application now so you don't miss a thing! You’ll be the first to know when we’re up planning new trips!

UPCOMING EVENTS:

  • February 28- March 3, 2019 Fort Lauderdale, Florida

  • July 25-28 2019 Winter Park, Colorado (SOLD OUT)

  • October 2019 Arizona (pending)

Hope to see you at a luxury property with a drink in hand soon!

More from our attendees…

Listen, I get it. You feel bad leaving your family and spending money on yourself. We all do. It’s like some shitty mom code. But here’s what I learned in the Fall of 2017 after my own suicide attempt, I have to feel good and happy in order to be the best mom that I can be.

After so many years of neglecting yourself and your needs, desires and dreams, what do you think is going to happen?? You’re going to be this happy, Mary Poppins-type mom? Ummmm, no.

One trip, many new friends and a lifetime connection. That’s what these retreats bring our attendees. AND YOU DESERVE IT

Apply now and we will do our best to get you into a retreat as soon as possible. While we can’t pick everyone, we’re working hard to create as many magical retreats as possible.

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