(That's what they say in Texas)

You're on your way to The ALL INCLUSIVE Drunk Moms Retreat in the Hill Country of Texas.

You've never really done something like this before. You're joining other women, desperate for some fun and chill time, just like you at a house... with Amy, The Drunk Mom!

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Your ticket includes:

  • 3 awesome nights at our beautiful retreat ranch, on 1000 acres (aka... peace and quiet)
  • Unlimited laughs and shenanigans (may or may not include dance parties, lip sync contests or staying in our jammies all day)
  • All of your food and non alcoholic drinks so you don't have to cook, clean or serve people
  • Party drinks on Friday Night! (and other alcoholic drinks throughout the trip)

The retreat location in in between Brady and Mason, TX, which is about 2 hours from Austin. If you're planning on flying into Austin, be prepared for a gorgeous road trip to get to our retreat!

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Wanna come but have questions?

Yeah, duh. Okay here are more details:


  • What do I have to pay for?
    • Your retreat ticket, air fare or car to get to the retreat house and/ or your car. That's it. All of your food and drinks (even the fun ones) will be provided for you. If you want to shop and shit, obviously you can do that too but you COULD get to the house and not have to pay for another thing. All meals, snacks and drinks are provided for you. Your only job is to walk in the doors and CHILL.
  • Where do I fly?
    • The nearest major Airport is Austin, TX which is two hours away. Yep, we're going to be waaay out there in the country. There's also:
    • San Angelo Regional Airport (70.4 miles / 113.2 kilometers)
    • Killeen–Fort Hood Regional Airport (89.3 miles / 143.8 kilometers)
    • Abilene Regional Airport (90.6 miles / 145.8 kilometers)
  • Can I make payments?
    • Absofuckinlutely. See below

Welp... here we are, sister.

Decision time. Your heart is racing and you just KNOW it's going to be the time of your life (and you're right). The sleeping in, silence by the pool, rest by the river, girl time dancing to 80's music... And other cool SHIT. The choice is yours.

Our Destin, FL retreat SOLD OUT in 2 weeks! Don't miss out.

One Payment is $800 (you've already paid your deposit, woohoo!)

Six Monthly Payments of $139 (you've already paid your deposit, woohoo!)

I know what you're thinking "ooh, I shouldn't spend a grand on myself. I could buy the kids some stuff, pay off a credit card, get the hubs a new Lazy-Boy.... plant a fucking garden in the backyard..."

  This is my "shit's about to get reeeeeal up in here" look. Brace yourself...

This is my "shit's about to get reeeeeal up in here" look. Brace yourself...

Lemmee guess...

You changed after you had kids, didn't you? Forgot who you were before you were "MOM". Do you find it strange to go places ALONE? If you finally do get away for 2.8 seconds you feel like you're missing something or someone. 

Ummm, is your idea of a "break" a trip to the grocery store without little people begging for candy at the checkout (those bastards putting it in child's reach, UGH!)?

Sure, you could escape out of town NOT on this retreat (WTF, why?!), but you'd likely be lonely, with no cool friends.

And you'd have to cook or buy all of the meals yourself.

And the WORST part... you wouldn't get to hang out with this fucking weirdo


Your Drunk Moms Retreat ticket gets you everything.

When you walk in the door, all you need to do is focus on rest, relaxation, fun and SILENCE.

You get:

  • 3 nights at a luxurious ranch in the heart of Texas
  • All of your breakfasts, lunches and dinners with snacks
  • All of your non alcoholic drinks and "mommy juice" you'd like (within reason, people)
  • Entertainment, laughs, silence and new friends

All for one payment of $800 (including your deposit)


a $139/ month for 6 months

You get to the retreat and we'll take care of the rest!

One Payment

Payment Plan

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I'm excited to meet you in the great state of TEXAS~

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Please note: *All tickets are NON REFUNDABLE but you may sell your ticket if you are unable to attend for any reason.